One day while collecting eggs Mrs Bwawcheep noticed a rather strange looking rooster with no feathers at all in her chook pen. As time went on the strange looking rooster began growing rather bigger than the other roosters. Because the strange looking rooster had no feathers it was cold so Mrs Bwawcheep made him some nice clothes and gave him the name of Chookboy. The small town soon thought that Chookboy was Mrs Bwawcheep son so to avoid rumours she said that he was. Mr Bwawcheep went along with this as well and the whole town remarked on what a nice son they had but couldn't understand a single word he said. They realised that Chookboy was not normal and had a speech problem.

Every morning at 3am on the dot Chookboy would begin crowing under his parents bedroom window and one morning his father became so annoyed that he went for the rifle and accidentally shot himself in the dark. Chookboy ran inside to see what happened and then he spoke his first words but never spoke again.

Mrs Bwawcheep now had to raise Chookboy on her own. She made ends meet by doing a course in law and became the town judge. Whenever she handed down the maximum penalty for serious crimes like dropping crumbs from a donut in a parking lot the offender got the job of minding Chookboy for a week. A peel on the footpath got two weeks.

2 He goes to school

Chookboy then became old enough to attend school. The first day at school the teachers had to chase him around the school yard a few times until they cornered him near the classroom door then under instructions from his mum they threw some grain into the classroom. Chookboy then jumped in between two other children, pushing one off the seat whilst squawking loudly. Chookboy was a restless and disruptive student occasionally crowing and flapping his arms and the teachers soon grew tired of this and he had to go to a special school. There they looked after Chookboy and helped him break silly habits like eating worms. He was taught manners, how to eat at the table and not to put his feet in his food. When Chookboy had learnt enough to fit in with others he then decided to drop out of school and look for a job.

2.1 The dole office

Times were hard and Chookboy had to line up with many others looking for work. He had to try really hard not to go back to his old habit of pecking the person in front of him. He tried hard not to crow or flap but this got the better of him when it finally became his turn for an interview. A voice called out, Chookboy, here chook-chook. Chookboy went into a small cubicle that had a computer and lots of paper. He perched on a chair when asked to sit down, pecked and crowed at the person in front of him. Yes, in all the excitement he'd forgotten his manners. Fill this form she said. Chookboy picked up the pen in his mouth and drew a picture of all the parts in the engine of his mothers car in perfect detail. Chookboy didn't know it but he was on his way to a mechanical career.

3 When he gets a job

Mrs Bwawcheep was so excited with the news. Chookboy had an interview to go to and after just one year of waiting for a phone call. He had gone back to his old ways and was sharing the mash bowl with the hens when his mother told him the news. Chookboy's eyes lit up and he drew in the dirt with his nose a picture of a public toilet block. No, she said I'm sorry it's only a mechanical apprenticeship. Chookboy was a little disappointed but went for the interview and got the job. He was to fill the shoes of old Charlie "the black fingernail" who had just been promoted to public toilet cleaner. Mrs Bwawcheep said thank you to his captors and that his continual squawking was upsetting her potplants.

4 The big break, the public toilet cleaner job becomes vacant

What luck for Chookboy, there has been a tragic drowning at the sewerage works. Charlie has been promoted to head sewerage technician because he's a strong swimmer and could supply his own flippers and snorkel. This time Charlie gets no wage but he can keep what he finds, dentures, coins, jewellery and lots of other things people lose down the toilet. Charlie spread a rumour about a Mr Pong monster that lurks in the public toilets and the job has remained unfilled for some time.

5 News report: Chookboy the hero

The former apprentice mechanic and local youth identity Chookboy Bwawcheep was let off from serving a life sentence and swapped his tool box for a steam cleaner, a dunny brush and 2000 litres of heavy duty disinfectant. When asked about the Mr Pong monster our hero produced the children's book by Al "Return of Mr Pong Monster", his Mr Pong Killer Diploma from a one week TAFE course, and a chicken sandwich packed by his mum. The graphically illustrated children's book shows Mr Pong monster being lured out of the toilet by a chicken sandwich. Chookboy then drew on the ground with his nose a picture of what appeared to be the local book store, a large black car, men in suits, and a picture of himself fighting them for a book.

Chookboy was unable to be interviewed because of his speech impediment and continuous squawking plus he was still eating his mash breakfast, but we did interview his former boss who said that Chookboy was a quick learner but his work was interrupted by a five minute break every hour where he would run around the workshop crowing and flapping his arms. He said Chookboy was always at work early, a good worker but what he couldn't handle was the 3am crowing under his bedroom window. He shot at Chookboy a couple of times but missed.

His boss later apologised to Chookboy's mother for shooting at her son. Mrs Bwawcheep said that Chookboy's late father accidentally shot himself whilst getting Mr Winchester out of the wardrobe at 3am and that's when Chookboy spoke his first words "Mu.., mum, daddy dead, hole in head, gooburp" and hasn't spoken since. She then showed us his neat little nest in the fowl house with a new fully imported mash bowl purchased due to his new found wealth.

And they all lived happily and crappily ever after.

Don't miss my other children's books:
Return of Mr Pong Monster
Paula's brother got eaten by the Cheese Factory Monster
What really happened to the water inspector in The Algae Monster case

Al

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